If Your Heart’s Not In It, Who Are You Serving?

There’s a question that has been quietly tapping on my shoulder lately: If your heart’s not in it, who are you serving?

It’s uncomfortable. It’s confronting. And it’s necessary.

We grow up learning how to strive. How to set goals. How to achieve. We’re taught to chase the promotion, secure the title, land the role at the “right” company. We’re taught how to climb.

But no one teaches us how — or when — to step down.

The Dream We Worked So Hard For

Especially as women, we work incredibly hard to get there.

There’s often a story behind every role:

• The late nights studying.

• The years of proving ourselves.

• The juggle of childcare and conference calls.

• The quiet determination to show we can do both.

Sometimes it’s the corporate ladder.
Sometimes it’s the leadership position.
Sometimes it’s a job we never imagined ourselves doing — but it fits. It works. It’s close to home. It aligns with school hours and holidays. It allows us to be present for our children while still contributing financially and professionally.

It becomes practical. Sensible. Responsible.

It becomes our identity.

And then one day you look up and realize… it’s been 11 years.

When the Fit No Longer Fits

Here’s the part no one prepares us for:

What happens when the job that once fit your life… no longer fits you?

Because life shifts.

Children grow.
Confidence grows.
Desires change.
Energy changes.
You change.

But we rarely talk about that evolution.

We celebrate the milestone anniversaries.
We applaud loyalty.
We reward endurance.

We don’t often ask:

• Are you still fulfilled?

• Are you still curious?

• Are you still lit up by this?

• Or are you simply good at it?

There’s a difference.

Being competent is not the same as being called.

The Invisible Trap of Achievement

There’s a subtle trap in achieving something you once desperately wanted.

You fought for it.
You sacrificed for it.
You built your life around it.

Walking away can feel like failure.

It can feel ungrateful.
It can feel reckless.
It can feel selfish.

But staying when your heart has quietly left? That costs something too.

When your heart’s not in it, who are you serving?

The version of you from 10 years ago?
Other people’s expectations?
Your fear?
Your comfort zone?
Your identity?

Because it’s rarely your future self.

The Skill No One Teaches: Leaving Well

We are taught how to interview.
How to negotiate salaries.
How to ask for promotions.
How to perform.

We are not taught how to recognize completion.

There is wisdom in knowing when a season is over.

Not because the job is bad.
Not because the people are wrong.
Not because you failed.

But because you have grown beyond it.

There is strength in saying:
“This role was perfect for the woman I was. It may not be right for the woman I am becoming.”

That isn’t quitting.
That’s evolving.

Especially For Women

Many women build careers around family logistics. We choose roles that allow flexibility, proximity, predictability. We make smart, strategic decisions.

But what happens when:

• The kids don’t need us at the school gate anymore?

• Our confidence has expanded?

• Our creativity feels underused?

• Our ambition starts whispering again?

We can feel guilty for wanting more.
Or different.
Or simply aligned.

But growth is not betrayal.

It’s alignment.

The Courage to Ask Better Questions

Instead of asking:

• “Is this secure?”

• “Will this look good on my CV?”

• “What will people think?”

What if we asked:

• “Does this energize me?”

• “Is this aligned with who I am now?”

• “Am I staying out of desire — or out of fear?”

• “If nothing changed, would I be content here in five years?”

And the boldest one:
“If my heart isn’t in this anymore, who am I doing it for?”

Leaving Isn’t Always Dramatic

Leaving doesn’t always mean slamming doors or burning bridges.

Sometimes it means:

• Quietly planning.

• Exploring possibilities.

• Updating the CV.

• Having honest conversations.

• Giving yourself permission to imagine something else.

It can be graceful.
It can be strategic.
It can be deeply respectful of what that chapter gave you.

But it begins with honesty.

You Are Allowed to Outgrow Things

We outgrow clothes.
We outgrow houses.
We outgrow friendships.

Why do we struggle so much to believe we might outgrow careers?

A job can be a gift for a season.
A stepping stone.
A safe harbour.
A training ground.
A lifeline when you needed stability.

And then — it can be complete.

Completion is not failure.

Who Are You Serving Now?

Maybe you’re still deeply in love with your work. If so, protect that. That’s powerful.

But if you feel the quiet nudge…
The restlessness…
The Sunday night heaviness…
The sense that you’re capable of more, or different…

Pause.

Not to make a reckless leap.
But to listen.

Because the truth is, no one will tap you on the shoulder and say:
“It’s time.”

There’s no award for staying too long.
No medal for silent dissatisfaction.
No extra loyalty badge for ignoring your own evolution.

Only you will know.

And when your heart’s no longer in it, the bravest, wisest question you can ask is:

Who am I serving by staying?

If the answer isn’t aligned with the woman you are now — or the woman you are becoming — perhaps it’s time to begin exploring what’s next.

Not from fear.
Not from resentment.
But from growth.

And that is a powerful place to move from.