What insecurity are you trying to soothe?

Why We Sometimes Secretly Enjoy Seeing Others Fall — and What It Can Teach Us

Most people don’t like admitting it, but there’s a strange feeling that can arise when we see someone else stumble. A failed relationship. A public mistake. Someone falling short after appearing confident or successful. It can show up in gossip, subtle satisfaction, or even relief.

Psychologists call this schadenfreude — pleasure derived from another person’s misfortune. But beneath the surface, it often has far less to do with the other person and far more to do with ourselves.

At its core, the feeling usually comes from comparison.

When someone else fails, it can temporarily quiet our own insecurities. Their struggle makes our own feel smaller. Their imperfections make us feel less exposed. For a moment, we don’t have to confront the parts of ourselves we’ve been avoiding.

That’s why people who are deeply uncomfortable within themselves are often more drawn to criticism, gossip, or tearing others down. If someone doesn’t fully accept who they are, seeing others suffer can create a false sense of balance — “At least I’m not the only one struggling.”

But here’s the hopeful part: becoming aware of this tendency is actually a sign of growth.

The moment we recognise that our reactions to others are mirrors of our relationship with ourselves, we gain the opportunity to change. Instead of using other people’s failures as emotional comfort, we can begin building genuine self-acceptance.

And self-acceptance changes everything.

When people feel secure in who they are, they stop needing others to shrink in order to feel okay themselves. They celebrate growth instead of resenting it. They respond with empathy instead of judgment. Other people’s success no longer feels threatening, and other people’s pain no longer feels satisfying.

Ironically, accepting our own flaws often makes us kinder toward everyone else’s.

That doesn’t mean becoming perfect or endlessly positive. It simply means understanding that every person is carrying insecurities, disappointments, and unfinished parts of themselves. Including us.

So the next time you catch yourself leaning into gossip or feeling strangely satisfied by someone else’s downfall, pause for a moment. Not with guilt — with curiosity.

Ask yourself:
What part of me still needs compassion?
What insecurity am I trying to soothe?
What would change if I accepted myself more fully?

Because healing doesn’t come from watching others fall.

It comes from learning how to stand comfortably within ourselves.