Learning to Pause, Belong, and Be Enough: Lessons from Brené Brown

Savoring Simple Daily Pleasures

There’s something about Brené Brown’s work that feels like coming home to yourself. Her research into vulnerability, shame, courage, and belonging has become a lifeline for millions of people searching for truth in a world that often trades in performance, perfection, and pretense. Among the many powerful ideas she offers, a few have lodged deeply in my mind—and heart. They’re lessons worth revisiting often, especially when life feels loud, fast, and a little too much.

“Look for 8 while they pull the gate.”

This phrase is classic Brené. It’s shorthand for a crucial concept: pause before you respond. Especially when we’re being challenged, questioned, or pushed into discomfort, our impulse is often to react—defend, deflect, explain, or retreat. But Brené encourages us to wait. To breathe. To give it the full eight seconds (or more) before speaking.

Because in that pause, something shifts.

We reclaim our agency. We create space between stimulus and response. We stop ourselves from giving away our power, from answering out of shame or fear or people-pleasing. In that pause, we remember who we are and what actually matters. It’s not about being clever or right—it’s about staying grounded in our values.

Your worth isn’t up for debate.

One of the most liberating truths Brené shares is this: If someone doesn’t value your work, that doesn’t make your work less valuable. Let that settle for a moment.

In a culture that loves feedback loops, approval ratings, and constant external validation, it’s radical to believe in your own value regardless of how others receive you. Whether it’s your art, your parenting, your leadership, or your quiet presence—your worth isn’t determined by the loudest critic in the room. Your worth is not a negotiation.

The same goes for your humanity, your story, your truth. As Brené so powerfully reminds us, there is no person, church, religion, or dogma that has the right to question your divinity. Your relationship with the sacred—however you define that—is deeply personal. It’s not between you and anyone else. Your inherent worth isn’t dependent on others validating your experience of the divine. That’s yours.

Belonging is rare—and sacred.

We all want to belong. But true belonging, as Brené defines it, doesn’t require us to fit in. In fact, it demands the opposite. It asks us to be fully ourselves and to find people who can meet us in that authenticity.

That kind of connection is rare. If you have even one or two people in your life who truly see you, who understand your story, and who love you without condition—that is a gift beyond measure. It’s reciprocal, rooted in respect and vulnerability. And it may not come from where we expect it. Sometimes it’s not family. Sometimes it’s not community or coworkers. But when we find it, even in just one soul, it matters more than we can say.

Love and belonging are irreducible needs.

This isn’t a nice-to-have. It’s not bonus content in the human experience. Brené’s research shows that love and belonging are core needs—non-negotiables for a healthy, whole life. When we’re deprived of them, we suffer. We disconnect. We armor up. But when we are met with love and acceptance, we begin to heal. We soften. We grow.

That’s why cultivating relationships that offer safety and honesty is more than self-care—it’s survival.

The opposite of scarcity isn’t abundance. It’s enough.

We are drenched in scarcity messages every day. Not enough time, not enough likes, not enough money, not thin enough, not smart enough, not doing enough. And so we hustle. We compare. We shame ourselves into striving.

But the antidote to scarcity isn’t more. It’s enough.

Enough is a declaration. It’s choosing to believe, “I am enough. What I have is enough. Who I am right now is enough.” That doesn’t mean we stop growing. But it does mean we stop living like we’re one achievement away from being worthy.

Closing Thoughts

Brené Brown doesn’t offer simple answers—because real life isn’t simple. But what she does offer is clarity. Compassion. A reminder that courage isn’t about being fearless—it’s about showing up anyway. It’s about pausing when we’re triggered, owning our stories, and choosing love over armor.

So today, take a breath before you answer that difficult question. Trust in the value of your work, even if no one claps. Hold close the one or two people who truly know you. And remind yourself—again and again—that you are already enough.

This is a puriri moth- spending up to 5 years as a caterpillar to then live as this jade beauty for a mere 24-48 hours.