Turning a situation around

Savoring simple daily pleasures

I had a moment today. I could feel it building and my emotions running high- due to a myriad of reasons but lack of sleep a huge contributor.

My husband is currently over seas, my eldest is away with a friend, so for a few days its been just me and our younger daughter. 

Mostly, (apart from the slightly empty panic I always feel after an airport goodbye) it's actually been quite relaxed and we've enjoyed each others company and little rituals we've developed just for the few days. The weather has finally brought us summer back so we've been eating al fresco, taking evening walks together, snuggling up early in my bedroom for quiet time before bed and having a gentle time. 

I never sleep well when my husband is away- which is very infrequently luckily, but after a VERY early start to get him to the airport a few days ago, then disturbed sleep and waking even earlier than usual, my longed for bank of 8 hour restorative sleeps was lost, and my emotions ran high. 

When I awoke at 4.30am I'd already reasoned with myself I didn't have to run today, to listen to my body- it's important not to let fitness routines slip often, but equally important to embrace a gentler day occasionally. So I pottered down to the deck with my nightdress and a shawl, fed the cats, made coffee and finished my book as the sun rose and grew warmer. My favorite time of day. I was trying to be mindful and nurture myself, I changed after finishing my book and did some Yoga and took a shower. Good. right track. I can do this.....

I was also SO hungry. Unusually hungry- Famished! Which I've been battling of late and is out of character- especially in the mornings. So I prepared my self a substantial breakfast of "not quite" oatmeal with lots of added goodness and protein and fats to try and build my self back up- I always find a highly increased apatite when I'm over tired. (That and a niggly sore throat- first signs I'm running too low) 

It doesn't matter what the final trigger was (A sunscreen incident that did NOT warrant my over reaction)

But shortly after my giant breakfast and coffee I lost my temper and got very tearful and emotional. Totally unnecessarily so. My Poor darling girl got the brunt of it- although very short lived with much hugging and apologizing afterwards. 

Anyway, I was still in a bit of a state and highly emotional as we left to go to our local beach with one of my daughter friends. In fact tears were streaming down my face as I sat in the car. Something was a miss. 

Almost instantaneously as we parked and found a spot on the beach my anxiety and state began to ebb away. We found a grassy spot with the sparkling shore line not far from our toes, lay down and allowed the suns rays to beat down on us. 

I was then able to think clearly, breath deeper, and even analyze somewhat why I'd reacted so. 

After a while of baking myself and reading I left the girls chatting happily and took a walk to the end of the beach and back. At the furthest point there was not another sole and only dots of people in the far distance and a few silhouettes of fisherman on the wharf beyond the rocks where I stood.

I stayed there for several long moments taking deep, conscious breaths. Watching the gulls, listening to the gentle waves and the trickle of the waterfall behind me. All was well. My lungs filled and my heart soared.

Now, these blog posts are to uplift and  inspire primarily - so this is not intended to be a tale of woe or bring you down. It is about taking the time if you can, (And you must sincerely try)  to acknowledge your triggers, making space- physically and mentally to accept and deal with them, and finding all the wonderful things still very much present to be so grateful for. To appreciate. To savor. 

I was disappointed in myself as I felt I was letting my self down with such a fierce and gloomy reaction. But to flip it the other way - it was quite incredible that I was able to flip it around so quickly - from sitting in a hot car in 32 degrees with tears gathering at the bottom of my sunglass lenses, to feeling rejuvenated, alive and full of hope and promise- within less that an hour. 

Moments before I took the walk I happened upon a quote in the novel I was reading that had come to my attention through no less than 3 different paths in just a few days- a clear message for me. 

"If one advances confidently, in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours" Thoreau in WALDEN

If that's not a sign to stay positive and keep striving forward, I don't know what is. 

The change of environment was an enormous part of that healing and calming process. A big lesson for me. I was also able to reflect and be honest with my self about things that were troubling me before the tiredness had its unwanted affect. Things I wasn't quite acknowledging or allowing space. Too hard. Too unpleasant. Some resentment even. 

A dip in the ocean at the end of my beach walk was so refreshing and almost cathartic. physically and symbolically washing away those feeling and starting a fresh.

So when I took another walk later in the afternoon I was able to process and deal with those issues, decide on resolutions or ways to alleviate or solve them. So now, I sit here on my deck as the light fades, listing to soft jazz drifting out of the house, after enjoying a sumptuous meal I thoroughly enjoyed preparing and savoring, waiting for my daughter to arrive home - and I'm feeling boyant. Hopeful, positive. tomorrow is full of promise.

Now some peppermint tea and a shower to was the salt, sand and sunscreen off before- I sincerely hope, a restful, long sleep. 

Bon Nuit