Savoring simple daily pleasures
If you only knew the love that has been bestowed on this humble Pajama top (Because yes, that's how it started life) It belongs to my almost 15 year old and was part of her big sisters silky Pajamas from Marks and Spencer's when she was two!
I hung it on the line, with extra care and delicately positioned pegs due to its oh so fragile state, my thoughts wandered to the parallels of hanging onto items for sentimental reasons in your homes and closets.
As the washing machine beeped, I was mid-way through a seasonal sort of my wardrobe, and at that moment I had in my hands an item I was truly only keeping due to the memories attached to it.
Items that carry sentiments, memories or history are often the hardest to part with or declutter.
I'm not suggesting for one minute you part with anything that has true sentimental value, family heirlooms or belongings that hold significant importance for you. I'm thinking of those cookbooks that haven't seen daylight in decades (Uh hemmm, I have a pile of twenty or so waiting to donate since my bookshelf tidy yesterday!) or were a gift, or that sweater that had a hefty price tag but you don't wear as it itches, or those pants you bought as they'd be "perfect" for work and go with so much but you never reach for them, or the other pair that you've never got round to having hemmed so they are too long.
At some point, its a good idea to take an objective look and be a little ruthless. If there are things you genuinely are not sure if you'll reach for, pop them in a storage bag out of sight- you could even date it, and if in 6 months, 12, at a (real) push if they are truly seasonal, if you don't miss them and retrieve them, its safe to say they can go. Likewise if there is an item you haven't worn in 12 months- you're probably not going to- add it to the "to go" pile. Try the hanger trick- turn all your hanger the wrong way, then as you wear items return them the right way- you'll soon see what you use and what's left untouched.
I personally struggle with letting go of items in these 5 main areas-
1. Purchased on consignment but at such a big discount I know their original price tag is one I wouldn't usually have within my budget, therefore I feel I should hang onto it.
2. A gem I snaffled from a second hand shop which was priced ridiculously reasonably and worth considerably more.
3. Something that was a gift from someone I care about
4. An item passed down by a well meaning friend or family member that I don't have the heart to re home for fear of causing hurt or offence.
5. An item that hold precious memories, or reminds me of a special occasion or time in my life.
My logical wardrobe curator self can quantify these emotions and feelings as such-
1. That money is already spent, if the item is not serving you and you don't reach for it or its of no use- let it go.
2. As I've talked about in past blog posts, just because its a bargain doesn't mean you require it- I really struggle with this one, and have learned the hard way with lovely pieces purchased over the years for a steal that just hang there untouched until they finally make the edit to be re homed.
3. This is a hard one, and I'm very sentimental naturally- I try to view this from a Marie Kondo perspective as I really struggle with the idea of causing someone I care about feeling rejected or hurt -
"The person buying the gift has brought it to you to show their love and appreciation for you- once you have received it with gratitude that purpose is complete. the very last thing they would have wanted would you to feel any burden from their gift" Marie Kondo
Truly, I am the Mummy who still has all the notes to fairies and my daughters baby teeth tucked away- not to mention items from my grandparents, and cards from my mother and father. I also still harbor a little hurt from years past knowing gifts I have given have not been cherished or particularly well received despite the good intentions and love behind them. But deep down, this quote makes absolute sense.
4. This might be something a friend thoughtfully passed on as they no longer used or required it, or a hand me down for a child from a cousin or neighbor, or an item another person treasured and cared for yet it doesn't hold the same use or value to you other than their projection of that. Occasionally, in their need to declutter and organize, friends and family find a new home for their unwanted treasures in you- passing on their guilt in a way, and we feel obliged to hang on to it too- knowing it means something important to them- even afraid perhaps if WE decide to re home it, they may discover us and be doubly offended. This is super hard when you know which ever way you play it we may cause hurt or offence, so we tend to just bundle them into the back of a closet or wardrobe. I have at least 2 such items I can think of as I sit here typing. On the flip side, I try not to project that on friends or family with items I pass on- once its left my possession, I feel lifted and am happy for it to find a new purpose elsewhere.
5. And lastly, my biggest hurdle. And I certainly don't advocate for culling every last bit of sentiments you have stored away- even if it very rarely gets looked at. In our guest room closet hanging side by side are both my mothers and my wedding dresses. in that same closet is a teeny tiny tutu in black and yellow with buzzy bee wings- a first ballet show at 3 years old. These are not going anywhere. But I have learned for items with less sentimental weight and importance, that sometimes taking a photo is sufficient- like the boxes of Kindy art we sorted through when we moved a few years ago. Keep some by all means, but don't be weighed down by it or store for decades.
When my mother emigrated she had a container of all my belongings shipped to me- all SORTS of bits and pieces, including some huge oil paintings form my degree, a dolls house, and even some of my school books. While I kept some important pieces- certainly the 2 family dolls houses and some of my childhood favorite books, and we hung one or two of mu works up on our walls- which it was fun to re discover as we unpacked and unwrapped the various crates- much of it I had no use for- some even no memory of- in my new life the other side of the world. I felt awful getting rid of some of those items that my mother had packed up and paid to ship to me- but her thoughts on it were that they weren't her belongings to sort through-it wasn't her decision to decide what I should keep to let go.
When she moved home again fairy recently, she involved me in much of the sorting process, as she was acutely aware that she's not getting any younger, and she didn't want to leave me with a huge burden of belongings I didn't know what to do with and that would add to my grief to make decisions over incase It was something she may have treasured.
I reflect on that sentiment from time to time- who am I saving these things for? Does it serve me or add to my clutter or a burden later in life.
That pajama top is here to say, that's for sure.
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